Crosby Finance

What is the future of mystical banking? Will financial shamans and money mystics be able to work alongside more traditional analysts and traders, or will they replace them?

Tatum Jones from merchant bank Dodger Coombes says, ‘Here in Canary Wharf a lot of conventional analysts feel threatened by the presence of the money mystics recently employed by many banks. There is no need for them to worry though. These mystics just give us more options and another way of looking at the markets. Mysticism will not replace traditional banking methods.’

I’m not so sure about this. I feel Ms Jones is just trying to calm the fears of certain conservative characters in the banking world. The money mystics and financial shamans are generating massive profits for the banks, and - as we all know - money talks.

Arthur Simmons from the Chaos College of Finance says, ‘The mystical way is the way of the future. Times change. The email replaced the fax. DVD replaced video. Shamans will replace analysts. And with their superior skills, it won’t be long before shamans get more involved with actual trading. Prediction is only the start.’

Well, I know quite a few shamans involved in the trading side of things. They can make split-second decisions based on information given to them by their omnipotent contacts in the world of spirit. Truly, the mystical way is the way of the future. But who would have thought it? It seems strange that something as old as mysticism is now being put to such use in the modern world. What would the ancients have said?